What do I do?

I am in need of some serious advice. I am a stay st home mom and my husband is the only one bringing in any income. We live at his parents house since he doesn%26#039;t make much money and we couldn%26#039;t afford to pay the bills we already have otherwise. Now I find out nothing is getting paid anyway. I%26#039;m getting calls all day from collectors about this and that and I am completely in the dark. I just assume that since he is getting paid and we have no money that it is going to these bills. To the $500 a month car he insists on having, his $175 insurance payment, his 3 credit cards that he himself maxed out and a loan he took out a few years back. I have insisted on working and he flips out saying we absolutely can%26#039;t put the baby in daycare and he just doesn%26#039;t have the patience to take care of her while I work at night and on the weekends. I don%26#039;t know what to do about this. It%26#039;s just killing my nerves. He won%26#039;t get a secong job or bend on anything.

What do I do?

Yipes. There are a lot of bad signs in your post. He can%26#039;t handle the baby? That%26#039;s crap. He chooses not to. He isn%26#039;t a good husband. My advice sucks. Leave him.

What do I do?

OMG..go to school get a degree get a good job and get on your own. Whats wrong with you....you have kids with a man that can%26#039;t support any of you. You are being neglected by him. His poor parents I feel soo bad you guys have put such a burdon on them shame on you. Get ahold of some of that money and save some of it without telling him and get out of there. Go live your family or friends get your own job and get on your feet. Wow....um yea i do see my kids everyday on tope of everything i am a soccer mom and I have been to every practice every game i am the one who gets them there. NOt to mention dance lessons dance recitals talent shows so yea and you should feel bad you are imposing yourself on his parents but really your husband should feel even worse and he doesn%26#039;t. But yea I do see my kids when I am at work they are at school, we do homework together, etc. so get it straight cus I do.

What do I do?

I make my husband lunch. That%26#039;s a start second you get a job even if he doesn%26#039;t like it. You have to do what is right for you. Living with his parents can%26#039;t last forever and if he isn%26#039;t paying the bills now then you are never going to get anywhere fast. If you are living there his mom can%26#039;t watch the baby? Or help him watch the baby? If you are trying to pay bills and move forward you got to do what you got to do.....

What do I do?

And you are with this man why? Get a backbone...get some self esteem, get some self respect ....and get out of his parent%26#039;s house. Take your children and make a life for yourself...It may be a struggle for awhile...but hey...seems you already know what struggling is....this man hasn%26#039;t a clue on how to manage money.....I would imagine that his credit is in the chitter and yours is as well...do you want to live this way the rest of your life?

What do I do?

Consider a Major life change ..... speak with his parents.

Perhaps there is some help there .... Learn to pack his lunch, drop the responsibility to save money back in his lap.

He wants his cake and to eat it too .... put him on a diet, and hide tha cake batter !

Your part of this family ... start putting your foot down alittle at a time ... but start with his mother ..... go from there.

Good Luck

What do I do?

If I were you, I would get a job anyway, no matter what he says. He obviously can%26#039;t support his family by himself. He%26#039;s going to have to find the patience to sit at home with your daughter or have his parents watch her, or be o.k. with her in daycare. It looks like he%26#039;s just trying to find excuses. I%26#039;m sure he sees he is doing such a bad job and taking care of you guys, that he%26#039;s afraid if you go to work, you will either leave him, or find someone else. You can try and reassure him, and say you will only work until the bills are paid off. I don%26#039;t know about a divorce, I don%26#039;t know if you want one, but he can try and put some of these bills on you, unless the judge will make him pay it off. It%26#039;s so sad because both of your credit is shot, the only way to get it back, is take over finances.

What do I do?

You need to get a handle on things, namely the $$$ management. He needs to dump the $500/month car paymt and get something dependable %26amp; affordable. He also needs to grow up and start accepting responsibility for life in general. Cut up the credit cards. If he%26#039;s unable to accept your changes, then perhaps he needs to remain home with his momma. You may be able to live on your own, and he would need to pay you support, or go to jail.

You need to ask yourself, are you strong enough to take on the responsibility?

What do I do?

You need to put your foot down, missy! He%26#039;s is totally ruining your relationship and your life! Tell him you want to sit down and make a budget to get the bills paid off; no more credit cards (if you can%26#039;t afford to pay cash you don%26#039;t need it); save for your own place; and put healthy food on the table. He can pack his lunch, you bet. I don%26#039;t know too many people eating out 2 meals every day. Tell him you want to take over the bills so they get paid because he has a problem handling his money and he%26#039;s not alone, many people do. He%26#039;ll be lucky to have you handling the money so you guys can get your heads above water. He is being rediculous and immature and self-centered. Let him throw a fit, you get a job!! You guys need the money.

What do I do?

leave!!! he isint gonna budge, all hes gonna do keep spending the money he brings in and hes never gonna take oyu out of his parents house. why dosent he take care of the lil baby again? look u only have one kid, u can make it on ur own. look for a job, get urself out their because he obviuosly isint going to do it anytime soon.

What do I do?

If I were you I would get a job anyway. What the hell does he mean he doesn%26#039;t have the patience for his own child? Well he needs to get over it! Its obvious he can%26#039;t handle his business so you need to put the pants on and handle it yourself!

What do I do?

wow, that doesn%26#039;t sound like much of a partnership to me, I%26#039;d say you need to sit down and let him know that either you guys compromise or your out. it%26#039;s hard to support a baby on your own but do you really want to live this way forever. he has gotten himself into debt and wants to drag you down too. it%26#039;s always nice to be able to stay at home with your child and I%26#039;m sure it would break your heart to put her/him in daycare, you just have to check out a couple and chose one that is open to anytime visits and I%26#039;d go with one that is a national chain. there is no reason why you should be treated as a second class citizen in your marriage. YOUR VOICE COUNTS TOO!

What do I do?

Agreeing on finances is very important in a marriage. So is being willing to be responsible and make necessary sacrifices for the good of the family.

Your husband isn%26#039;t being responsible and he is not making sacrifices for the good of your family. If he keeps going like this, you will never have a home of your own, a retirement, money to pay for things the kids need and their education etc.

I would tell him it is quite simple. Either he get his finances together, pays down the debt, lives on a budget and take responsibility for the care of your child while you work or he can live with mommy and daddy while you and the baby live elsewhere and he pays child support.

Get a job. Arrange a sitter/daycare. Often, the state aid programs will cover daycare expenses. Save your money and move out. Either he gets his life straight and takes on the responsibility of a married man and father or you file for divorce and find a real man.

If it were me, I would be furious and disgusted that my husband cannot care for his own child, live on a budget, pay off debt or even pack his own lunch. He sounds like he is selfish, immature and very irresponsible.

What do I do?

If I were you I would call my family, and see if they have any room for me, and my child. Then I would start looking for a job to support us, I would start over fresh. When he ask%26#039;s why I left I would let him know exactly how I feel, and until he could get his $hit together, and find us a home of our own, I would not return. Don%26#039;t let him drag you down, you have a whole life to live, and a child to raise.

What do I do?

You both need to sit down and discuss the financial problems and deal with them right now. He is unable to handle the finances and you need to take them over immediately. Start a budget, contact the creditors and make arrangements to pay them back. It will mean that you will need to get a job of some sort to catch up. He needs a douse of reality and not the fantasy world he is living in. Get talking and working on fixing the credit problems. If he is not willing to listen to you, cut up the credit cards; you are as responsible for their payments as he is. This is fixable and you can do it, but only if he is willing to sacrafice his high life.

What do I do?

loose the car, or loose him... or you could let him know that child support is more expensive then daycare.

What do I do?

If you work, you can pay day care yourself. He%26#039;s obviously spending the money he makes, and thinks it%26#039;s ok, since he%26#039;s the only one working. Neither one of you can take care of yourselves, and that%26#039;s a shame. The fact that neither one of you are doing anything to better the situation makes it worse. You have to question what kind of father he is when he complains about having to take care of his child if you worked nights and weekends. What about your parents or other family? Can you move in with someone else so you can try to get on your feet? Grandma%26#039;s shouldn%26#039;t complain about babysitting just so you have a chance to get on your feet.

It%26#039;s arrogant of you to insult the home you are staying in for free. Where would you be if it weren%26#039;t for his parents.

What do I do?

control expense to avoid tragedy

What do I do?

First of all, I think you should pack him some kind of lunch so that he does not have an excuse to go out to lunch. I understand you have enough on your plate, but you also have to give him the tools to do what you want him to do. Remember that men won%26#039;t do what we want them to do if we don%26#039;t make it easier for them. They also don%26#039;t think the way we do and don%26#039;t communicate like us. Also, be more involved in where the money goes. My husband and I have separate checking accounts, but we always account to each other where our money goes. If money is tight, normally I pack lunch for him and me. We don%26#039;t have kids, but both of us work full-time and I also try to come home and cook after work. It%26#039;s a hard task, but it helps us both. In regards to living situation, you and your husband should%26#039;ve talked about it before getting married and even before having a child.

What do I do?

I am having a hard time understanding this situation.It sound like you married a very irresponsible self centered person who is the cause of this whole situation.But than you say that you refuse to make his lunch even though it would save$200 a month .My advice to you is this .

1.Both of you are going to have to make sacrifices to keep the spending under control.

2.You will have get a job to help pay all the bills and save some money.

3.Move out of your in-laws home because you sound so unhappy living there that you marriage will not survive much longer.

I just read the additional details.Think about filling for a divorce before it is to late.This man is completely immature and I don%26#039;t think he is responsible enough to face the reality of the situation.You cannot fix this problem because you cant control his personal account.This guy sounds like a spoiled brat that never grew up.

What do I do?

Wow girl you are in a bad spot. First of all what a selfish guy.!!!.

If you keep going in the direction you are ,you will be bankrupt, and forever stuck at the in laws or divorced. Not good. It sounds like your husband is controlling,and immature with finances. If you get a job at a day care you are allowed you have your child with you and or close by. It will give you a job and be with your child (no excuses from your husband). I know you love you hubby but , Tell him if he doesn%26#039;t start putting You and your baby first you are leaving . Move in with your parents, family or friends. I was in a similar situation. Now Divorced from him . Hope this helps.

What do I do?

You have to sit down and talk to him. Where has the money been going? It%26#039;s obviously going somewhere else. Honestly if he%26#039;s not willing to stop his spending and you guys are only sinking deeper into debt you%26#039;ll have to find outside help. At the very least he has to be willing to watch the kid while you work. You have the patience to watch them the entire day, he can handle watching them at night. If he refuses to change his ways or help out, threaten divorce and be willing to follow through. Spend this time to set yourself up in case it comes to that. You have no job, no money and no place to live, start squirrelling money to the side.

If you think he%26#039;ll go for hardcore, take over the money, you should have been in the loop about where it%26#039;s going to begin with. Take it over, take his cards and cut them up and give him and yourself an allowance. Put yourself in control of the money and it%26#039;s distribution if you can.

What do I do?

wow. YOu have a serious husband issue. I don%26#039;t think he respects you. Its really difficult to deal with a person like this and you need outside help. What about your family are they close? are you able to get help from them? I think you need to leave this man to prove a point. Maybe a church could help they will do a lot of things for free. Some friend you could let watch your child so you can go off and find a place to stay or something? You guys need some counseling and help soon or you are gonna lose it. I feel your pain I am going through a lot with my husband and child too. My husband is very selfish he feels like its okay for him to go off bet on football, get tattoos, waste money on games and then I get to do nothing, no fun. Selfishness on these men%26#039;s parts is not right. I would go try to find somewhere else to stay with your daughter, go find some counseling and tell him you need to buck up buddy or WE are out of here for good.

What do I do?

Let me start by saying...Try to keep your head up! It sounds like you definately got your hands full, and you don%26#039;t wanna let stress get the best of you. For starters let me remind you of the %26quot;Serenity Prayer.%26quot;....Lord grant me the serenity to %26quot;Accept%26quot; the things I %26quot;cannot%26quot; change, %26quot;Courage%26quot; to change the things I %26quot;can%26quot;, and %26quot;Wisdom%26quot; to know the %26quot;difference!%26quot;

I see you received many responses to your question, and I hope, that at least one, will make a difference in your life, if not more than one. Sometimes we find ourselves in these situations and it isn%26#039;t until an outsider says something, when it just hits home base. This is probably true for the fact that it is viewed at a much different angle when not personally involved...if that makes sense.

I don%26#039;t wanna waste time repeating advice, already received above, and I don%26#039;t wanna waste time telling you what you already know and feel. However, I do have some advice and point of views that still may be helpful to ya.....Before I get there let me remind you that these views are based on the info provided, although, additional info would have helped me to be more specific to your situation...I.E.: How long you two have been married? How old your baby is? How long you two have been in a relationship? Ect....With that being said, here is my view...

You can look at this in many ways. One way could simply be a lesson learned and another could be a test in your marriage. Either way your still facing a path, whether now or later, of %26quot;making it work%26quot; or %26quot;keep it moving.%26quot; Lets start with assuming it is a test to your marriage. You already know that you can%26#039;t force someone to do something...you can lead a horse to water, but can%26#039;t make them drink it!

It sounds like you tried to lead your husband to a path that can be more helpful for your family, he hasn%26#039;t taken head to it, yet. Being so, it doesn%26#039;t look like he will anytime soon, either. Knowing this, are you willing to cope? To continue in this marriage you really need to decide. This is the first step...can I cope?, do I wanna cope? (Basically you will need to decide if your husband is worth the stay for you, knowing his flaws?)

Secondly, if you decide to try to make it work, knowing you can%26#039;t force change on anyone, you should really make a self plan as to how you, yourself can help better the situation, not necessarily by you planning for what may help him, but what will help the family and your personal self as far as less stress for you personally. If you decide you don%26#039;t feel it%26#039;s worht the effort anymore, then your plan should consist of you and your child working towards independance. Either way you chose, know that there is many different assistant programs available for you to look into, in case many friends or relatives may not be an option to you, but also being considered an option. (If that makes sense...)

I know criticism is the last thing you wanna hear, but I still would like to mention some constructive critism because it really takes us to the next thing...A lesson learned! When we marry someone we need to choose carefully. To marry means to love and to love means to accept @ 100%, including flaws. It also means sacrifice and compromise. According to your story, it appears that your marriage lacks both of these things, amongst several other things...

%26quot;effective%26quot; communication....ect.

You really should have, and if things don%26#039;t work out with the two of you, then you still can in the future, choose someone that you are certain of. Never settle for no one or nothing! As an adult, I%26#039;m sure that you know exactly what you%26#039;re looking for in life. Meaning how you want your life to go and how you wanna raise your child. Things might be ugly now, but learn as you go. If it works...realize what both parties did to bring trouble to the table...so it don%26#039;t happen again. Also, take notes to how you both fixed it. If it don%26#039;t work...realize the signs before it%26#039;s too late. Know what you%26#039;re looking for and never settle...you can%26#039;t go wrong.

You really have to consider your health in all your decision making. Your health is important and it %26quot;Is Not%26quot; healthy to stress and worry. Now keep in mind you have a little one and their health is even more important...although your child may be at an age where they can%26#039;t speak on their own behalf, please realize they feel what we feel and can sense the stress and tension.

Considering everything I%26#039;ve mentioned here today, please take head to at least the %26quot;Serenity Prayer!%26quot; This alone should help a great deal, at least with your stress level, until you figure out your plans. Take your time and plan well. Never act on instinct or emotions, instead analyze w/detail to come to terms. I pray that everything works for everyones best interest. Sounds like you%26#039;ve got a good head on your shoulders and I%26#039;m sure everything will work out fine. The lord will never give you more than you can handle. Trust in him and you can%26#039;t go wrong...pray.....this will help too. Good Luck and God Bless. If you need any other words of advice or understanding, feel free to look me up......and keep your head up!

What do I do?

i would advise you to move on, seems that he%26#039;s unable to care for you and your child while he prevents you from doing something that would help him